The daughter lives in a one -room apartment – we both own the owners, in equal shares. I live in another city with my husband. The daughter decided to sell the apartment and buy a house in the village. At the same time wants me to give her my share. She does not ask, but demands. Screaming, insulting. When I tell her “no”, in response it sounds: “Forget about the grandson”. At the same time, there is no gas in the village, there is no school, kindergarten, pharmacies, roads only soil. And one-room apartment is still in the city, it is much more comfortable there. For my refusal, my daughter told me: “I went out”. I left and our communication has stopped.
My daughter got used to the fact that all her problems I solve. I was a hyper -beeping mom. But I am not satisfied with such her attitude towards me. She screams, offends and demands. How to act in this situation? Communication does not suit the old way, but how to build new harmonious relations? And is it possible to build them with an adult daughter after everything experienced?
Svetlana, 56 years old
Svetlana, you write that old relationships do not suit, but what exactly? Your daughter is about 30 years old. With the exception of a quarrel due to the apartment all these years, everything was good? What happened may have a background. It cannot be that everything is still cloudless.
To build a new relationship, you first need to deal with the old. You call yourself a hyper -beeping mom. What was your upbringing? With such relationships, the mother usually takes responsibility, not trusting, protecting, pulling the child from independence. Naturally, out of good motives.
But in the process of education, a girl appeared who demands, screams and drives away the mother. Unfortunately, this is a consequence of her understanding of her rights in relation to you, to her life. She behaves as you allowed her to behave in childhood. She manages her life and the fate of the child as she knows how.
She did not learn to weigh all the pros and cons, did not learn how to talk. And you have not learned to negotiate with her and understand what she is guided by if you want to move. It seems to you that her arguments and plans are absurd. Everyone speaks, but does not understand the other. These are the consequences of hyperopecks.
Now that you are not satisfied with such an attitude towards your daughter, you want
to build a harmonious relationship. You felt discomfort and want you to get better. And how did the daughter feel all this time that was happening in her head and soul? To what extent she knows how to understand and see the picture of the world as a whole if her mother blocked a vision of reality?